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Friday, March 4, 2011

What If Charlie Sheen Isn't Mentally Ill, What If He's Just An Asshole?

Charlie Sheen talks to ABC news in LA (Photo: Reuters)


At last, someone with a take on Charlie Sheen's self destruction that I agree with.  Let me begin by saying that Charlie Sheen gained a couple of points in my book recently.  He finally said aloud what I've suspected the Hollywood crowd thought about us mere mortals for a long time.  None of that teary eyed confession of a troubled soul with an addiction problem for Charlie.  None of that soul searching, hand wringing, or forgiveness begging, nosiree.  Charlie came right out and said it, I am better than all of America because I get to live my life as if there are no consequences.  I only have one speed, and you mere mortals are all jealous because I can get away with the crap which would put you in jail and make you broke.  I get to blackmail my boss and he has to take it because without me, one avenue of his golden goose money train would dry up, and it might take him a full week or two to replace me.  Thank you Charlie for being honest with me.  I must disclose here though, that Conchata Ferrell was actually my favorite cast member on your sitcom.  An entertainment medium by the way which I generally considered to be the lowest common denominator.  South Park is the only T.V. show which I ever planned in advance on watching.  My brain might not be hip enough to recognize how awesome it is that you get to do the things continually that I gave up upon reaching adulthood, ie. existing as if responsibility, consequences, and grown up behavior only existed for us less cosmically gifted people who didn't have the mental capacity to remotely understand how awesome it is that you...............   Well, where ever that thought leaves off, I am sure that someone else in a drug induced haze could follow it.  It is unfortunate though for Charlie that the proper authorities were watching his description of his awesome life and realized that there were two small children living in that environment. 

Color me surprised that someone in California actually saw a problem with Sheen hosting his awesome cocaine binges with his two live in Prostitutes.  This is the kind of story we told ourselves as adolescents, that life ought to be like.  Most of us gave this up by age 25, and certainly by our 30's.  Sheen, at 45, just can't comprehend that those of us in the real world wouldn't be cheering him on in his quest to self destruct.  To further demonstrate how much better and more deserving he is, he demanded $51 Million for the tickets to witness his demise instead of the $34 Million he was contracted to get because in his own words, "I am tired of pretending I'm not special."

Sheen has been a regular in the conspiracy theory crowd for a while.  He is a well known 911 truther, and a staple on the Alex Jones radio show.  Random question for those who have heard Sheen pontificate on all things political, do you think the drugs played any role in his logic processes?  As it happens, my girlfriend is a psych nurse.  Yesterday when I read the article I linked to above, I read about everyone diagnosing Sheen from afar.  The article made me think a little about the country's fixation on Charlie's obvious problem.  At dinner, Sheen came up.  Unprompted, my psych nurse friend said typical Bi Polar.  I immediately asked, is it possible that he is nothing but an Asshole?  Maybe Sheen really is the jerk he appeared to be, and that there is nothing wrong with him, outside of his intense need to be beaten to a pulp.  If that is the case, can we all get back to our own less awesome, albeit productive lives and allow this sick cosmic joke to become the footnote he so richly deserves to be?

UPDATE: Here is the clear thinking Sheen on 911 truth theory.



Nothing clears the head like a snoot full of Cocaine and a bottle of Sour
Mash.

UPDATE II: From SNL this past week.

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